“This is a first time actually hearing this from a man: ‘My girlfriend is going through a divorce’
I now know I was born in the wrong damn universe!!”
-A girlfriend’s Facebook status
I was a bit taken back by my homegirl’s status. Now, she seems to have even lesser hope in men for the fact that her fellow friend was dating a woman who not only was still married but also moved in with upon his girlfriend’s separation from her husband. That brings a lot of questions and red flags to mind such as what the state law says in regards to this separation before divorce, but that is not the point of this blog. The question I ask to you is…do women make it too easy for men to not commit to a serious relationship?
My friend Johnson came to visit and I asked him this same question which turned into a small interview. Here are Johnson’s thoughts:
eryncarmel: Do you think that women make it easier for guys to not want to be in a serious relationship because…they kind of already catered to them indirectly without really….putting a claim on anything?
Johnson: Well..um..I don’t know.. but I do think um, that, well, you know…if you give me the benefits first of being in a relationship without being in one then what’s the point of being with you? At that point, what do you have to offer? I mean, we already can do everything without being together you know? So…yep.
eryncarmel: So you’ve had a lot of girls do that until this recent one you’ve been dating?
Johnson: Well for the most part. It’s always um…I like you, you like me. We do everything-kick it, but we’re not dating-we’re not in a relationship…but when someone [wants] to get serious it’s like ‘Oh…well…that was not my understanding’.
eryncarmel: Okay…so this girl you’re dating…what is she doing that is different from the other chicks?
Johnson: What she does different…she’s reserved for one. I can tell she keeps to herself. She don’t give her stuff out like everybody (laughs). And so it seems she has some morals…
eryncarmel: Mmkay…like the other girls you’ve talked to before this one normally have all been about…[well] you know [which girl] to call because you know you can get ‘some’ from them?
Johnson: Aaaah…do I call them…any? Well, they call me when they want ‘something’ but…I guess you can say that.
I thought it was very interesting that he made these statements: “At that point, what do you have to offer”, “And so it seems she has some morals”. In my mind, I’m thinking oh so now we women don’t have morals? There are morals, there are standards. The fact that Johnson pointed out that these chicks he’s had flings with would be the initiators is quite interesting. Now, I’m not trying to put down my gender-I love being a woman, but my English friend who is a woman has pointed out that we make it so easy for guys that they don’t feel they need to be in a relationship to get what they want because again…we’re providing this aspect for them without establishing a standard. Thus, my inspiration for this blog.
i’ll use this example. Another guy friend of mine likes to call girls to cook dinner for them…and they cook a full meal just for him. When one of my girlfriends did that for 2 guy friends, one of them tried to get her to start cooking for her because he was sick…and she flat out said “Hell naw!” That’s what I’m talking about! I’m not saying that it’s wrong to cook for anyone, but one has to be aware as to why they are placed in these situations and end of with nothing in return.
Not to digress from the subject, but I would love to hear from a female and male perspective about this. Why do both genders equally think women make it easy for guys to not be in a relationship? Has the now trendy ‘friends with benefits’ thrown out the courtship role in what we now call dating? Are some women (NOT ALL!) not valuing themselves and feel they’ll ‘put out there whatever they can get’?
What say you?
-eryncarmel.tumblr.com (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eryncarmel)
I now know I was born in the wrong damn universe!!”
-A girlfriend’s Facebook status
I was a bit taken back by my homegirl’s status. Now, she seems to have even lesser hope in men for the fact that her fellow friend was dating a woman who not only was still married but also moved in with upon his girlfriend’s separation from her husband. That brings a lot of questions and red flags to mind such as what the state law says in regards to this separation before divorce, but that is not the point of this blog. The question I ask to you is…do women make it too easy for men to not commit to a serious relationship?
My friend Johnson came to visit and I asked him this same question which turned into a small interview. Here are Johnson’s thoughts:
eryncarmel: Do you think that women make it easier for guys to not want to be in a serious relationship because…they kind of already catered to them indirectly without really….putting a claim on anything?
Johnson: Well..um..I don’t know.. but I do think um, that, well, you know…if you give me the benefits first of being in a relationship without being in one then what’s the point of being with you? At that point, what do you have to offer? I mean, we already can do everything without being together you know? So…yep.
eryncarmel: So you’ve had a lot of girls do that until this recent one you’ve been dating?
Johnson: Well for the most part. It’s always um…I like you, you like me. We do everything-kick it, but we’re not dating-we’re not in a relationship…but when someone [wants] to get serious it’s like ‘Oh…well…that was not my understanding’.
eryncarmel: Okay…so this girl you’re dating…what is she doing that is different from the other chicks?
Johnson: What she does different…she’s reserved for one. I can tell she keeps to herself. She don’t give her stuff out like everybody (laughs). And so it seems she has some morals…
eryncarmel: Mmkay…like the other girls you’ve talked to before this one normally have all been about…[well] you know [which girl] to call because you know you can get ‘some’ from them?
Johnson: Aaaah…do I call them…any? Well, they call me when they want ‘something’ but…I guess you can say that.
I thought it was very interesting that he made these statements: “At that point, what do you have to offer”, “And so it seems she has some morals”. In my mind, I’m thinking oh so now we women don’t have morals? There are morals, there are standards. The fact that Johnson pointed out that these chicks he’s had flings with would be the initiators is quite interesting. Now, I’m not trying to put down my gender-I love being a woman, but my English friend who is a woman has pointed out that we make it so easy for guys that they don’t feel they need to be in a relationship to get what they want because again…we’re providing this aspect for them without establishing a standard. Thus, my inspiration for this blog.
i’ll use this example. Another guy friend of mine likes to call girls to cook dinner for them…and they cook a full meal just for him. When one of my girlfriends did that for 2 guy friends, one of them tried to get her to start cooking for her because he was sick…and she flat out said “Hell naw!” That’s what I’m talking about! I’m not saying that it’s wrong to cook for anyone, but one has to be aware as to why they are placed in these situations and end of with nothing in return.
Not to digress from the subject, but I would love to hear from a female and male perspective about this. Why do both genders equally think women make it easy for guys to not be in a relationship? Has the now trendy ‘friends with benefits’ thrown out the courtship role in what we now call dating? Are some women (NOT ALL!) not valuing themselves and feel they’ll ‘put out there whatever they can get’?
What say you?
-eryncarmel.tumblr.com (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eryncarmel)